Hee elp

HEE—ELP

I reach out, then draw back;

I start to soften,

Then hurriedly replace my shell.

 

I want to become vulnerable

To You Lord,

And yet I don’t.

 

I can no longer remove the shell

Just for You,

And not for others.

 

I want to cry, and yet I don’t,

‘They’ won’t understand,

‘They’ll’ just get mad.

 

I want to receive ‘their’ comfort

Yet fear

The very thing I crave.

 

You need me to step out,

By myself on this shelf

Of crumbling fear.

 

To trust that You will not allow,

Me to fall

Into a pit.

Your arms are underneath,

I know,

And yet I fear the times I cannot feel.

It is not easy,

This life,

You call us to.

You didn’t say it was,

Only promised,

"I will be with you".

You’ve proved Your faithfulness,

To me,

So many times.

Why then do I find it so hard

To switch off these ‘tapes’

Which play in the heart and mind?

How do I allow You to erase the old,

And record on them Your message;

New, yet old?

You never left me when I cried,

You wept - ;

With me.

You wept, for my pain, and hers;

You know

Each heart.

You don’t dissect

The rights and wrongs of pain;

You love us through.

But we need to open up our hearts,

To others;

And to You.

Guide me Lord, to where it’s safe,

To soften

And to cry.

Give me the courage, and the strength;

To be weak

For You.

Help me to trust that when I do,

You will be there

With those who work for You.

I know Your love, I trust, I feel,

But ----------------- ;

How I hate that ‘but’.

I thank You, Lord;

That You are growing me

Into Your child.

I may not know as yet,

Just who I am;

You do !!

You know, and always have,

My deeds, my thoughts, my heart,

And love me still.

Help me to accept this love more fully,

To open up every door, and let,

You into every room.

Help me to know

Who You want me to be

As well as who I am.

Amen

© 23/10/99