Trust

What is trust?

Who do I trust?

Why should I trust?

And how?

 

Is there hope without trust?

Or peace, or joy?

Is there love without trust?

And does it matter?

 

Do we need love?

Or is it something we should just give out: --

Regardless of our hurt,

Regardless of our pain?

 

Why so many questions?

Is it just my mind?

Or satan placing thoughts?

Or is it really both?

 

"Just read the Word", they say,

"True Christians say they’re fine";

And so I wonder, how,

To own these thoughts of mine.

 

Do I deny the pain?

The dread that I go through,

Just copy what they say;

Or look at what they do?

 

For some it seems okay,

To reach out for a hand,

But it still seems to me,

That from such help, I’m banned.

 

I ought to lean on You,

Not look to fellow man,

But there are times, Lord, that;

I don’t think that I can.

 

I yearn to have that love,

That tells me I’m okay,

Accepted, still ‘approved’,

No matter what I say.

 

To feel that there is room,

For others, and for me;

To know that all is not,

As I appear to see.

Lord, I get so tired of life,

But don’t want yet to die,

Why’s love so hard to find,

And worse the more I try?

Do others feel the same?

That no one wants them near?

Or is it just inside my head,

This rejection that I fear.

Do I perceive refusal,

To want to talk to me?

Are things I think I’m watching,

Not really what I see?

I have to shut my mind down,

Refuse to hear its cry,

If I eat of its painful fruit,

My spirit will surely die.

Perhaps it’s satan’s torment,

Perhaps it’s from my heart,

But I must close the door fast,

Each time these feelings start.

Maybe I am alone, Lord,

You wandered lonely too,

But You say You’ll not leave me,

I must put trust in You.

© 7/3/03